Paycheck it at the Door


My attitude sucks. I'm getting it out now so I can shake it off before tomorrow. Paychecks, money, bills. Something everybody is always 'in between.' Is that the same as the middle? I won't blame it on the economy or politics or any crap like that. The more I have the more I spend the more I owe the more I don't pay. Somehow in there is the more I give away. "I will pay you back," "the next one is yours," "I just need it for a little while I can get it back to you soon." And then also I am a procrastinator and I am unlucky. I get taken advantage of and I'm sure I take advantage of others (that really eats away at me)- in short I make irresponsible choices. I can't say no to people who make me feel needed. I guess it is a lack of self confidence. I know that making no corrective action impacts my children and my emotional health and security. I don't have any goals any more...I don't know what I'm going to DO next week or next year, I just know I don't want to be stuck here. In the middle of nowhere...with who is essentially no-one...still doing nothing but ignoring it...or worse, complaining about it. Blech, I hate complainers with bad attitudes.

Desperation

Some people are better pretenders than others. People tend to like pretenders more. Smile and nod, smile and nod- tell them what they want to hear, for God's sake don't pretend to not know the answer- but definately don't know them all. So few people tell the truth that we end up spending most of our time second guessing everyone. There is no such thing as trust and honesty anymore, only motives and self preservation. It is desperation being in the middle... middle management and middle of the first love and the true love.  Middle of life.