Paycheck it at the Door

My attitude sucks. I'm getting it out now so I can shake it off before tomorrow. Paychecks, money, bills. Something everybody is always 'in between.' Is that the same as the middle? I won't blame it on the economy or politics or any crap like that. The more I have the more I spend the more I owe the more I don't pay. Somehow in there is the more I give away. "I will pay you back," "the next one is yours," "I just need it for a little while I can get it back to you soon." And then also I am a procrastinator and I am unlucky. I get taken advantage of and I'm sure I take advantage of others (that really eats away at me)- in short I make irresponsible choices. I can't say no to people who make me feel needed. I guess it is a lack of self confidence. I know that making no corrective action impacts my children and my emotional health and security. I don't have any goals any more...I don't know what I'm going to DO next week or next year, I just know I don't want to be stuck here. In the middle of nowhere...with who is essentially no-one...still doing nothing but ignoring it...or worse, complaining about it. Blech, I hate complainers with bad attitudes.

Desperation

Some people are better pretenders than others. People tend to like pretenders more. Smile and nod, smile and nod- tell them what they want to hear, for God's sake don't pretend to not know the answer- but definately don't know them all. So few people tell the truth that we end up spending most of our time second guessing everyone. There is no such thing as trust and honesty anymore, only motives and self preservation. It is desperation being in the middle... middle management and middle of the first love and the true love.  Middle of life.

Here's a great example of a recent middle I experienced. We were Geocaching at Tetherow Crossing during Spring Break. Everyone seemed to enjoy the exercise and company. Geocaching is a great adventure.

When I reflect back on any truly great story, it is so difficult to "start at the beginning" or come to "the end." To oversimplify my thoughts, then if having no beginning and no end makes a story great, then logic would tell us that clearly the middle- where the action happens, is not usually what people remember most. I love the discreet ripple effect in the middle of this picture, do you think anyone notices?

First Blog

I don't know what I'm going to write about yet... I know I don't quite know where to start. I'm the middle sister, perhaps that's why I love movies and stories that start in the middle, then slowly (or quickly) give the preceding details you need to catch you up. Harry Potter was like this, and Usual Suspects. Every story is like this. We never see things from the beginning or the end. Sometimes I think we would like to; it certainly would change our perspective on them, wouldn't it? I've put off writing my stories because I don't know where to start. I decided that I don't start, I just keep going. It may not make sense to you yet, but that's OK, I will fill you in on the pertinent details. Here's my view from the middle...